refine the crude

refine and crude

...good stories happen in the early evenings when the brain and the body are in the best shape for adventures. As usual, the brain could not let a walking body relax and pushed some thoughts to boil. I called my dear friend to discuss our little weaknesses. The topic was vague spinning around community pages, people's ways of treating each other etc etc. The basic idea was that all of us depend on other people in many ways. As it is well-known, a person will most probably get mad if he/she is left completely alone...Ok, we are not alone. Nowadays we can sit in out flats, attics, lofts, condos and be surrounded by gossip, news, favorite artists, blogs, ideas, business...But all of the above mentioned comes to play only when one works hard to arrange that for him/herself.
What about those people who are lost and cannot understand what to do? Who use facebook not for any useful ideas but purely to spew their random thoughts out there, hoping for 3-4 comments in return...this becomes an addiction. But where does this addiction take it's roots? That's where we had our conversation warming up...addiction... addiction to other people's opinions. Does it matter, who comments your posts? Does it matter WHO sends you an sms? A letter? Calls you? Of course it does for those people who filter out people based on their perception of this world. We all filter people out. Either because they are fat, or because they listen to different kinds of music, or maybe they are interesting but you cannot initiate a contact with them because you already have tons of other friends that you care about and it's important to show that you do, otherwise you will loose them...so, new people come and go, old friends remain there...or do they?
Renunciating from some of your old connections...happens all the time. Why? Happens because these connections were important before, when you had an unrequited love and you went to meet a bunch of friends just to see that person? Now when it's not the case anymore, those people fuse...you don't even remember their names...

This whole concept comes to it's apex when I ask myself: "Do I depend on others in unconscious way? Do I need other people because of the reasons I don't understand?"
When I asked this question from myself I answered "Yes". I realized that this approach will never bring me anywhere because if I don't know what do I want from people, they will never accept me and there will be this infinite roller-coaster of faces in my life that in the end won't mean anything...I sent a message to a person that means a lot to me hoping to receive a reply but I did not and this was the point when I realized that the relationship is never one-way...If there is no response for a signal, technically the communication dies and only the politeness remains. I decided that I should try to make my addiction conscious, make my dependence intelligent and mature. It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock'n'roll...and I cannot resist trying that though I guess this is going to be tough and I will face many misunderstandings on the way.
I think the only way to make this work is to do a good research about my own weaknesses (I thought I know them) and point out my dependencies and make them known to myself. A difficult task, without a doubt. Self-affirmation should not be based on other people's opinion...it should be based on the estimation of the crude sides of one's nature and eventual refining of those to make them available for sensual and logical understandings...
It's a long way from a bogus life without real feelings filled with misleading information to a life of true self-esteem and irrational deeds being rational at the same time...total control. As we say in Russia "The one who takes the path will eventually reach the goal". I hope that the goal won't be disappointing :)

I have to say sorry for being a little hectic here...it's difficult to put such stuff together but I hope I made myself clear.

Thanks for reading!
I will continue with this one as I get new info.

Bless,
D.